The Birds

This is a story about the birds. Not the good kind of Birds, you know, those cute little Birds who live in Milwaukee, but some actual birds that have been giving us a bit of trouble. First of all, I found a decapitated bird on my driveway. I was pretty sure a cat had gotten him/her. This is very bothersome because I don't have a cat. So, why he decided to leave his dead bird lifeless on my driveway is beyond me. We also have some cute little baby birds in our tree. (See Ian's blog for a picture.) The nest is just a little too high for me to see into. I lifted Ian up to report on what was going on in the nest. Unfortunately, the mother bird, not the good Mother Bird, you know, who currently lives in Madagascar, but the actual mother bird, was watching from the fence. She made direct aim for my head. I threw Ian out of the tree and ran for dear life. It was terrifying. A couple of days later we found a dead baby bird in the grass....all skinny and featherless. It was disgusting. As you can see, birds are really giving us trouble. However, the big trouble started on Wednesday night. Kaila called and said that there was something alive in the water heater closet. She wanted me to come down and check it out. I didn't want to find anything alive or dead in the closet. I enlisted the MacArthur boys to check it out. Ian was thrilled. Nothing would please him more than something alive in Mimi's basement. We all went downstairs and listened. We didn't hear anything. After the boys left, I stuck around, and sure enough, soon I heard some flapping and scratching in the vents of the water heater. My job was through. We called Martin. We listened again. For a long while we didn't hear anything. Then I heard some scratching. Martin moved closer to listen. There we were, Martin, Kaila and I standing silently in a row waiting to hear something. It was completely quiet. We were all leaning toward the vent, listening with all our might. Minutes ticked by and we still listened intently. Suddenly....the phone rang!!!! We all three jumped out of our skin. I nearly wet my pants it scared me so much. However, the terrifying ring of the phone must have woke the bird up because it started flapping around in the vent. The dumb thing even flew down to the opening of the vent and the water heater and kept poking it's beak out.....like a little call for help. Martin decided the best thing to do would be to unhook the vent, wait with a net, and capture the little darling when it flew to the light. Ian and Martin were locked in the bathroom with the net in hand. Of course, the bird didn't want any of the net business, climbed right out of it and flew back up into the ceiling before Martin even realized it was in the net. Before I could scream properly, that dang bird came flying out of the laundry room ceiling, buzzed over my head and flew away. I screamed then and ran into the food room where Kaila was, slamming the door behind me. We both screamed there for a second before I saw the gaping holes in the walls in the food room. Imagining myself stuck in that room with a bird flapping around was terrifying so I went screaming out of there too. I yelled at Ian to go get help and he went barreling up the street for the MacArthurs. I ran upstairs shutting all the doors in the house and Kaila stood holding the front door open. All of the boys went downstairs and found that stupid bird in the spare bedroom. They chased it out of there and right out the front door; accompanied by shrieks and screams that I think came out of both my mouth and Kaila's. A girl was walking by the yard right at that moment and that bird came ripping out of the house flying right over her head. That was when we started laughing. I was so wired up I couldn't sleep for hours. Now, everywhere I turn around I see some creepy bird looking at me. It's giving me the heebie jeebies.

P.S. One funny part of this story really illustrates how Ian is related to me. The first time he told the story, the bird flew out over his head. The second time he had to tilt his head as the bird raced by. The third time he had to lean his entire body over to avoid being hit by the bird. And by the fourth time through, that darn bird pecked him on the forehead as he flew out. See? He is my kid. He takes a good story and makes it better by adding some interesting and exciting details. Life's not boring at our house.